How to Declutter my Thoughts
Then again, maybe I don’t want to.
Do you feel like having cobwebs hovering over your head? That you carry many thoughts and they are all tangled up that even your own thoughts get confused.
I have moments where there’s just so many of them. I can almost see them like strands of words flying in front of my eyes. When I close my eyes, I see more …
I think of things that are broken.
I think of things that are broken. Broken things, broken promises, broken body parts (that sounded morbid), broken relationships. How do we deal with what’s broken?
Broken things — we need to learn to toss them out.
Broken promises — we grieve, we get angry, but we can choose to forgive, forget, move on. Some of the pain may not go away (depending on how much we cherished that promise), but maybe time can help numb the pain
Broken body parts — if we are lucky enough that our body heals and becomes whole again, then we should be thankful. If it cannot be healed anymore, we have to accept a new truth, a new normal, a new reality for us.
Broken relationships — each of us will deal with this a different way. I guess the answer is it depends. I’d say though, we need to reflect if there was a relationship to begin with. Some relationships might have only existed in our heads.
Been there, done that. Sometimes we are in love with the idea of the relationship, even if it never existed in the first place.
I think of things that were good.
Time flies. Time is fleeting. When we are young we think time is limitless, and that it will take an eternity to get to 20. Another eternity to get to 30.
And before we know it, multiple eternities passed us by.
Kids who I knew were just toddlers … are now entering (or finishing!) university/college.
Some people I knew … are longer here.
Some new people (and furry friends) … are entering my life.
I think back … some past memories were good. Memories of childhood. Memories of family. Memories of not having a care in the world.
Memories of being young, playing without a care in the world, running in the fields with my brothers and 7 dogs and rolling all over sand and mud, and coming home and getting scolded for getting sand and mud all over the house. And then doing it all over again the next day.
I think of my past selves.
I don’t know which version of myself I am on now. Am I version 10 now?
As I trekked this journey, I think I’ve become a different person at each turn. Not that I’ve become completely different, but with each life experience, maybe I just got to know myself more.
I now question things I didn’t question before. I also now have things I don’t question anymore, which I would have adamantly questioned before.
I’ve now learned more what I fear. What I value. What I can give up. And what I won’t give up.
It’s funny (or painful?) how life makes you realize who you are. I wonder how many more versions of me I will get to know.
I think of dreams and aspirations.
I think of dreams and aspirations. Dreams I dreamt. Dreams I didn’t dream. Dreams that came true. And dreams that I know won’t come true.
Again, life has its way of handing you small miracles on one hand, and many heartbreaks on another.
There are many things that I couldn’t have even dreamt of that I am now blessed with (and I am eternally grateful).
There are also many things that I’ve set my eyes on but just couldn’t reach, but now have to learn to look away so that the heartbreak isn’t too painful.
I’ll put away KonMari for now.
I was thinking of tossing away all these thoughts — give my brain a little bit more space. I wanted to KonMari my thoughts ….
However, maybe I will let these thoughts linger a little bit more. Maybe I will need to declutter later on, but for now, perhaps all these thoughts make me feel alive.
